It is my personal view that no one sings love quite like Bjork does. So it’s weird that I came to this song not through her but through Thom Yorke and Radiohead. This was in the days before the internet was everywhere (it was there but only on a desktop, where we downloaded audio tracks and never have enough bandwidth to look at Youtube videos). For the longest time I thought it was their song. Not hers.


“while you are away
my heart comes undone
slowly unravels
in a ball of yarn
the devil collects it
with a grin
our love
in a ball of yarn

he’ll never return it

so when you come back
we’ll have to make new love”


In her songs, Bjork loves like a little girl and a tall woman. This is something I am learning to do everyday. Love doesn’t work if you won’t do it with a child’s heart. Love doesn’t work if you don’t possess a warrior’s courage. Time happens. Change is constant. Things unravel. We say goodbye. We find someone else. We find ourselves. The devil keeps all these balls of yarn. We let him have his spoils. He grins. We make new love.

Sorry Thom, well tried, but it takes a woman like Bjork to write and sing this song for me to find peace with where I am – somewhere between letting go and holding love close.


In the last three months, I’ve divested myself of most of my mindless addictions. It’s just happened without an extraordinary struggle of will power.

I’ve quit smoking, I’ve stopped drinking alone every other night, I’ve become celibate(ish), stopped ordering so much takeout, stopped eating out much, become more vegetarian than before (this might have something to do with the weather) and I haven’t bought a frivolous piece of clothing in ages. There are of course some addictions that have only gotten stronger as a result. Like binge-watching computer-tv & being miserable a lot. But there are some fascinating upsides.

Like this morning, when I replaced my cooking-time music with sacred Tibetan chants – you know the kind, right?

When the mind & body has been vice-less for a while, incredible things begin to happen. One is cleansed, one attains, if you will, a certain purity. One begins to see, hear and experience things like never before. Such as arcane messages embedded in sacred Tibetan chants.

From this morning:

“Joy joy joy joy

George George by George Boy George,

Gay George, Yay George,

Oy Boy Soy Boy

Toy Boy Joy Boy



I gotta tell you, it was enlightening as fuck. And now I’m horny.


Getting back in the dating game at the ripe old age of 36 in this wonderfully misogynist country is….just…terrific…

Sistah needs an anthem.

I’ve never known heartbreak like this – where it was no one’s fault and no one was evil or cowardly or devious. It was just the wrong time and the wrong people, at least one of whom, I can say for absolute certain, loved the other deeply and will always be grateful she got to experience what happens when a man reveals the softest part of his heart.

Dear S, loving you was a privilege. I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you.

(Damn, the beautiful restraint in Christina Aguilera’s voice. Damn)

The best thing about my favourite musicians is that they know exactly when to pop up into my life and with which song.

Buried under blankets, drowning myself with work, stealing moments to get in a solid cry, pretending I’m ‘moving on’ with style. It’s all par for the course. And this song.


“Hello love, my invincible friend
Hello love, the thistle and the burr
Hello love, for you I have so many words
But I, I forget where we were”

Sex. The consensual, naughty, respectful, seductive, joyful, freaky kind. It can move mountains. As a nation, we need to really start thinking, talking and grooving with (instead of groping, violating and dismissing) the idea.

We can start with Mr. Legend’s video here:

If being a feminist is part of your personal journey, at some point you could find yourself in a boxing ring, asked to choose favourites between the two fighters. If your feminist principals are living, breathing creatures and not cold & dead strictures, you could (much to your discomfort) find yourself rooting for both fighters in the ring – each for different but equally logical reasons. It’ll torment and make you question your integrity until (if you’re lucky and smart enough) you get to the bit where you realize it’s not a boxing ring at all – and that the two fighters are really buds. Not quite Siamese twins, but good buds.

Beyonce Knowles, it seems to me, has cracked the code in her latest album Beyoncé. Coming as she does from a pop music industry that doesn’t miss a beat in objectifying women (especially women of colour and women in the hip-hop industry), breaking them up into body parts that are pressed into the service of a man, she will lull you gently into a song starting with the lyric “Let me sit my ass down….on you…”. Then just as you begin to roll your eyes over this hot mess, she will oh-so-sexily wrest back control of the situation, ending the track, repeatedly singing “Goddamit, I’m so comfortable in my skin…” This is not a woman who can be controlled or contained by anything other than her own independent self.

She will sing a song called ‘Partition’ that’s all about ripped up blouses, flying buttons and mascara running down the side of a woman’s face because she and her man couldn’t wait to get rough on each other. She will complain that she took “45 minutes to git all dressed up/ And we ain’t even gonna make it to this club…” and then she’ll show you who’s boss by ordering the chauffeur to raise the partition while she takes charge in the back of the car. She will sample a French translation of the epic Julianna Moore dialogue from The Big Lebowski: “Do you like sex? Sex. I mean, the physical activity. Coitus. Do you like that? You’re not interested in sex? Men think feminists aren’t interested in sex, but it’s a very stimulating and natural activity that women love.

She will embed an extract from a Chimamanda Adichie talk into her track ‘Flawless’, a track whose lyrics play on the many meanings of ‘diamond’ – The Rock. Is it the rock she wanted put on her finger as a single lady, the glitzy symbol of belonging to another, that too many women feel is the sole purpose of their existence? Or is it the rock solid power she feels just by being alive, the flawlessness of all of us? She sings most matter-of-factedly: “I woke up like this/ I woke up like this.”

She will confuse us with her hungry sexuality, her quest for artistic climax, her insecurities, her carnal appetite and her innate confidence.

She will make it wonderful to be in love with a man and feel sexy – for him and for herself.

She will remind you she’s also a mother.

And she will piss the fuck out of Bill O Reilly.

So it follows that I love her. I absolutely love this woman. She makes it so much fun and so very interesting to be a woman.

In her latest album, she celebrates herself as Mrs. Carter, the woman who bears her husband’s name. She does this with such absolute confidence that no one will dream of confusing her with her (very accomplished & famous) man. Her man. The sheer power of her self-belief will subvert the notion that marriage – or the claustrophobia of patriarchy – could ever trap a woman. Ha! As if!

Watch as Oprah Winfrey asks her how it feels to be ‘a wife’:

You know how you make gods out of people who’ve based their lives on resisting becoming gods?

I’m going to do that, starting now:  

                          Oh Eddie Eddie Eddie…

“What we (Stone Gossard & Jeff Ament) thought was our new band that we’d try and control together was immediately taken over by Ed. But we learned the greatest lesson of all, which is just as you’re fighting over the scraps of control, you meet somebody with so much artistic energy that your argument becomes pointless.”

~ Stone Gossard, Pearl Jam – Twenty (2011)


Watch Cameron Crowe’s absolutely beautiful labour of love, a masterclass in music documentary making – Pearl Jam Twenty. 


Dear You,

I have thought of you more than I’ve ever dared to before. So, while I try to find the words I want to say to you, let those of Loudon & Rufus suffice:

“You’ll never change, neither will I,

we’ll stay the same till the days that we die.

I’ll never win, neither will you, so what in this world are we gonna do,

People hate change, they make a fuss, they stay the same, people like us,

Folks wanna win, when they can choose,

but more important than that, folks don’t wanna lose…”


“…..Its sad but its true and I have to say,

that the days that we die aren’t that far away”


Sometimes prayer can surface from the darkest, most wounded parts of you.

Not sure if this song is meant to be a prayer, but it sounds like it to me.

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